are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
