Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
