dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
