I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
