I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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