'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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