I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
