Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Randomize
