Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
