Betty ford says i'm here all night
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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