Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
