This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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