she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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