Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Randomize
