So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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