i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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