Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Randomize
