margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
