I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
