Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
