My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
