I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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