this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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