Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I have post one night stand depression
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