were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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