Cold hands, warm shart.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
