I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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