fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
