yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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