doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
