Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
