when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
