I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
