I wanna passion pit in your ass
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
