captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
