I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
