My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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