apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
