Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
