hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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