i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
