Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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