everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
