my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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