im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
