She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
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