What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Floor bacon is actually really good
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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