I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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