I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
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