You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
