Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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