You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
