Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
