Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Randomize
