Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Randomize
