I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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