piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
