if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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