Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
