Say something about gay babies.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I'm like, not good at living.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
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