if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I want to walk on stilts...naked
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
