Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Randomize
