I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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