Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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