He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
