dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
