No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
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