Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
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