Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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