i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
