maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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