yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
