why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
