so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
