i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Randomize
