hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
