You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
