Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Couch. On fire.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
