Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
