hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
how do flat chested girls get laid?
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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