guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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