the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
