Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
